


Aquaphobia

by trashy_kai



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, M/M, Sad Dean, cas is already dead so you don't see him die, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1351831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashy_kai/pseuds/trashy_kai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Cas walks into the lake (S07E02). "Usually, he [Dean] would let Sam go out and grab breakfast before he even tried to step inside the shower. Instead of a soothing feeling whenever the water hit him, he felt as if knifes were stabbing him. Water became his worst enemy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aquaphobia

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, I couldn't get this out of my head... And I really needed to study for my economics test... I hope you like it! ^_^

_Aquaphobia - the fear of water_

* * *

 

Waking up to _that_ dream was something common by now. Dean was used to watching Cas walk into the water and never walk back from it. The only thing he couldn’t deal with was when he remembered it wasn’t just a _dream._ Waking up was a painful process of remembering the last time he saw Castiel, and feeling his heart sink by not being able to save him. After finally rising from the bed, Dean had another battle; going to the bathroom and taking a shower.

Most people would simply do it, but Dean wasn’t most people. He couldn’t jump in, get clean and walk out… Not anymore. He wasn’t able to do anything related to stepping into water without freaking out. Usually, he would let Sam go out and grab breakfast before he even tried to step inside the shower. Instead of a soothing feeling whenever the water hit him, he felt as if knifes were stabbing him. Water became his worst enemy.

* * *

Dean and Sam were on a case, there was a ghost in one lake. Two teenagers were playing and one of them fell into the lake. The one who fell died and returned as a ghost. Almost sixty years later, it was still trying to kill any of the other boy’s family members.

The brothers didn’t take too long to understand what the problem in that town was, but they couldn’t simply make one of the cursed boys –grandson of the surviving teenager- to go into the lake with his friends.

Once they realized that Tommy went to the lake even after they warned him not to, both brothers jumped into Dean’s beloved Impala and they drove to the empty field with a beautiful lake in the middle.

As Tommy got closer to the water, the ghost came and dragged him to the bottom of the lake, trying to drawn him. Tommy tried to fight the force pushing him down. He managed to fight for a while, giving all he got against the monster. As the brothers stepped out of the car, Tommy was still fighting, but not even with his swimming skills would be able to get him free.

Sam looked at Dean and told his brother to jump into the water and save the kid. Sam was trying to stop the other two boys from panicking –Tommy went to the lake with his friends.

As Sam finally looked at his brother, he saw the way Dean was looking at the water petrified. Dean was steady as a stone; his eyes fixed the point where the middle of the lake would be. Sam finally noticed the way his brother was breathing and behaving; raggedy breaths, what at first seemed like a steady Dean, was actually a terrified Dean. The older Winchester was trembling, tears almost falling from his eyes and his mind was focused on something else.

_You gotta save the kid… You can’t just let him die… But Cas…. I couldn’t save Cas. Why would I try to save this kid when I couldn’t save Cas?_

Without him noticing, Dean’s legs gave up on having him standing, and he fell to his knees. Tears started falling down his cheeks and he, once again, saw Castiel stepping into the water and never walking out of it. His heart ached and he felt terrible for not being able to do anything. Every time he dreamt of Castiel walking into the lake, he would jump in and try to save him, never succeeding on his task. One of the reasons why it bothered him so much, was because night after night, he would have to try and save Cas, and night after night, he would fail to save Cas.

Sam got the two boys to calm down, and walked back to his brother. He had to make Dean go into the water. He wasn’t about to let the kid drown, but Dean needed to step into the water.

“Dean. You can save him…” Sam said, trying to make his brother listen. If Dean didn’t jump into the water in forty seconds, he would jump to save Tommy. “You can save him.” Sam repeated, this time louder.

“Cas...” Dean let out a sob, his mouth letting Sam know about the only thing in his mind.

Sam sighed, he still had time to convince Dean.

“You couldn’t save Cas, but this is different. You can’t avenge Cas just yet… We know shit about leviathans, but you can save this kid from drowning… You just gotta step into the water. Come on, Dean… You can do this.”

Dean looked at his brother brokenly. Tears rolling down his cheeks, and the white circles of his eyes were filled with red paths.

“I-I can’t.” Dean said, looking at the water once more.

“I believe you… You can change this. What will his family feel when we tell them we couldn’t save Tommy?” Sam knew it wasn’t fair. But he knew this would make Dean do just about anything. Dean wouldn’t want to bring the same feeling of being helpless to anyone. He knew that Dean would feel the need to avoid bringing pain to anyone else…

Dean took a sharp intake of breath to his lungs and looked at Sam one last time.

“I won’t let that happen.” And just like that, Dean got into his feet and carefully, he walked into the water. He couldn’t help but be afraid of it. The water was a powerful thing, and he couldn’t help but be frightened by it. Slowly, Dean got his feet into the water and he let out a broken sob.

_You can do it… For Cas._

Dean prepared himself for submerging into the water and started searching for Tommy. A few seconds later, he was able to see bubbles rising to the surface and he swam in the direction. His head showed at the surface and he got as much air as he could to his lungs. Dean disappeared inside the water once more. His mind filled with thoughts about how scared he was, and that had to do it for _Cas._ Soon, he was able to grab Tommy’s arm, and pulled him. Dean had an iron knife inside his sock –Hey, you never know what could happen!- and pulled it out in time to stab the ghost. The ghost disappeared, and soon enough, Dean was swimming back to safe land. He pulled an unconscious Tommy out of the water and then raised himself to land.

The two kids were tugging each other’s hands, scared that Tommy would die. Sam run towards Dean.

“You did good, Dean.” Sam reassured. “You did good.”

As soon as Dean let go of Tommy, Sam started to check the boy’s vitals. Tommy wasn’t breathing, so Sam started doing CPR to save him. In the end, Tommy didn’t take long to wake up while coughing water. Sam let out a relieved sigh, and explained what had happened to the kid.

Dean was still on the same spot. He hadn’t moved, and it didn’t look like wanted to move. His mind kept telling him, that if he could save this kid, he could have saved Cas. Because he cared about Cas, he would have tried harder than he tried to save this Tommy kid… But Dean had just stood there, while Cas walked into the water. Tears started falling down Dean’s cheeks once again and he hugged his body tight. How could he have let Cas die?

Sam’s hand grabbed his should.

“I never thought you’d still be affected by Cas’s death. I knew he was your best friend, but I thought you’d start letting go by now…” Sam said, trying to understand just in how much pain his brother was. When Jess died, it took him a while to get back together… But not this long. Sam suddenly realized, just how important Castiel was to his brother. “You loved him…” Sam whispered.

Dean let out a shaky breath before replying.

“I still do.”

Sam’s words made Dean wake up. They made him understand that it didn’t matter that Castiel hadn’t walked out of the lake. He had thought Cas was dead before, and Castiel proved him wrong. Cas always found a way back to him, and Dean hopped that he would once more. It didn’t take him long to realize that he was going to wait forever for Cas to come back into his life… He would wait as long as it took. And he was gonna try to live as happily as he could without Castiel by his side. He would pretend Cas was there in his birthday, that he was there at Christmas, and he never forget what it felt like watching Castiel appear in front of him, greeting him with the typical ‘Hello Dean’. Dean would look up for that day, living as best as he could.


End file.
